She goes to her closet and picks out a blue dress covered in sequins. As she puts it on she struggles with the zipper. It doesn’t quite go all the way up. Darn gremlins must have got in her closet and re-sewed her dress tighter again. Oh well. She takes a look in the mirror, adds a tiara to the ensemble for good measure and heads out of her room. She’s anticipating the response she will get when she walks into the living room where her audience awaits…oh man, here it comes…
“Emily! Are you low!?!?”
Not quite the response I was going for, but I’ll take it. See, I occasionally like to do weird things at my parents home to see what kind of reaction I’ll get. My mom’s usual response is to blame it on my blood sugar and my dad barely pays attention to my hijinks… as if it is normal that his 27 year old daughter (this particular incident happened two years ago) would put on an old dress and crown from high school and prance about the living room on a Tuesday night. To give my mom credit it is not completely out of the realm that she would blame my blood sugars when I’m being exceptionally strange, however, in this particular scenario my sugars were normal.
This brings me to the point of this post. Low blood sugars. When I’m low I go through stages: crazy (seems like I’m drunk), weak, emotional, crazy, and then belligerently crazy. At the last stage it almost seems like a switch is flipped and I can’t control what crazy thing happens next, and I don’t usually remember much of it. Below are a few low blood sugar incidents that I remember:
The low blood sugar grocery store fiasco.
When I’m low I get exceedingly hungry. If I’m in a store at a low moment I will come home with the most random things. Here are my most recent low blood sugar purchases.
1. Jar of pickles
2. 2 boxes of Jell-o (Lemon and Lime) – I don’t like Jell-o. At all. Let alone would I want to actually make it.
3. Bright green sheets – I had been planning on buying a spare set of sheets, but bright green in no way goes with my bedroom scheme. They have been returned.
4. Beef jerkey – A kind that I had tried before and hated. This stuff isn’t cheap either.
5. Bag of marshmallows
6. Flour – I already have plenty and I don’t ever use it so…no clue.
7. Tapioca pudding – I have never had a desire to try this, but somehow I must have thought “let’s do it” and bought some.
I bought other things too, but those were things I wouldn’t normally purchase. I had done this same thing a few months back and posted it on FB, but I can’t find the post. I was going to add it for comparison’s sake. I should have never upgraded to the timeline thing. 😦
Orange Ya Glad I Didn’t Say Banana
When I was of a grade school age I was sitting at the kitchen counter watching mom cook dinner. I was low and angry for no apparent reason so I picked up an orange from the fruit bowl in front of me and threw it at her.
London Bridge is Falling Down
In high school I went to London with a local group of random people, a few good friends included. We were walking all over London trying to find a Princess Di coin and we hadn’t eaten in what seemed like days. I got low, sat down on an escalator like a drunkard and had to be dragged off by a fellow traveler before i got sucked under the thing where ghost babies were waiting to murder me. I don’t remember this one well except that some kids on the escalator next to us going in the opposite direction laughed at me. Buttheads.
The Muffin Man
My sophomore year of college I got low, and was given a homemade muffin from one of the three girls I lived with and I sort of shoved the whole thing at my face, crumbs and muffin chunks going everywhere. I think I thought it would be funny, but I was in a weird mind state at the moment and couldn’t comprehend how absolutely nuts I looked. The look s of horror on my roommates faces were indescribable.
While it might be fun to watch me stumble around like a drunken sailor, low blood sugars are very serious. They can lead to a coma if past a certain point, and then cause death. If I’m low I need sugar ASAP. It can creep up on me without my realizing (usually when I’m wrapped up doing a million things at once) and if people try to help me I can get violent…maybe verbally abusive. Luckily, I have not had too many of those times…at least that I know of…as I said before I usually don’t remember everything that happened.
So…if you ever see me weaving drunkenly around somewhere please give me some sugar. Literally. Not in a “Hey baby, give me some sugar *insert creepy laugh*” kind of way. I dislike affection (hugs) from strange people. Speaking of: If you are not a good friend don’t ever try to give me a friendly hug. I will literally karate chop you in the face.